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When Hope Hurts

1/25/2019

6 Comments

 
My daughter’s cancer was shrinking. For a brief moment, hope soared like a kite in a strong gust of wind. God was answering prayer. Then, strangely, without warning, I immediately burst into tears. Burying my face in my husband Greg’s shoulder I sobbed, “Why does my hope hurt? I’m afraid; dare I believe my girl will live?”
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My daughter’s cancer was shrinking. For a brief moment, hope soared like a kite in a strong gust of wind. God was answering prayer. Then, strangely, without warning, I immediately burst into tears. Burying my face in my husband Greg’s shoulder I sobbed, “Why does my hope hurt? I’m afraid; dare I believe my girl will live?” 

Up until then, April had been told a break from endless chemo would only stop when the ammo didn’t work anymore. But now, for the first time since her deadly invader was discovered six months earlier, a CT scan showed a “much improved” liver. The encouraged doctors were now considering a chemo break, a reprieve from the relentless pounding of poison into her weary body.  

“Why does hope hurt?” Early on, as children we learn happening doesn’t automatically follow hoping. We’ve all hoped in something, only to be disappointed. We hoped it wouldn’t rain, but it did, and our picnic was cancelled. We hoped to be chosen, but someone else was picked. We hoped and prayed Grandma wouldn’t die, but she did. 

We’ve all learned this sad life lesson: lift off doesn’t guarantee a happy landing. A beautiful wedding may end in a nasty divorce. A simple surgery can get complicated. Sometimes celebrated launches--Hindenburg, Titanic,  Challenger--begin in triumph but end in tragedy.

But Biblical hope is different. It is not wishful desire, not a cross-your-fingers fancy, a hold-your-breath longing. Instead, the Bible’s kind of hope is the confident expectation and desire for something good in the future to come to pass. Heaven’s hope is not tied to today’s sunshine, for tomorrow's weather may bring a typhoon. Solid, secure hope is anchored in nothing less than a firm faith in God Himself.

I dare not put my hope for April’s return to health in anyone or anything else but God: Not in well-trained oncologists, sophisticated CT scans, or high-powered chemo drugs. Not even in the many prayers of April’s Support Team, as powerful and appreciated they are. Not in April’s worthiness, her strong faith from age three, her generosity and good works. Not in her healthy habits and sturdy constitution.  

No matter what lies ahead, perfect peace is possible only by resting completely in the goodness of God.  The more intimately we know God, His love, wisdom, and power, the greater our ability will be to keep calm in life’s battering storms, no matter how threatening. 

But I already believe this! I know God is the Master of the seas. So, why do I panic when choppy circumstances rock my boat? What can I do to keep calm when black clouds roll into my harbor? I believe God, but how can I defeat the fear that God won’t be enough? Will I drown? 

I turned to God’s Word for the answer. What did King David do when scary situations menaced to sink him? How did he hang onto peace? First, he affirmed his soul’s secure anchor in God: “Truly my soul silently waits for God; From Him comes my salvation.” (Psalm 62:1) But then, four verses later, after listing difficulties, he tells his soul to hang onto what he declared already was his: “My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.” (Psalm 62:5) 

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​Trusting God for future grace provides a secure rope of hope, but it is a combination of two strands. The first strand is believing in the trustworthiness of God. But the second strand is also necessary. Confessing our confidence must be braided to our belief when we’re shaken by doubt and fear. Over the top of the storm, we need to batten down our faith and reassure our heartsick souls: “Settle down, soul; you can trust God. He’s got this.”

If we tie our hope to the ups and downs of frail happenstance our hearts will plunge and rocket like a yoyo on a fraying string. But the rope of hope in God alone reaches through the veil and is anchored in the Holy of Holies of Heaven. (Heb. 6:19) 

What can we do when life’s “howling storms of doubt and fear assail”? Tie a knot and hang on to our “sure and steadfast” rope. A cheerful confidence in God’s control of the future will not unravel. Let “the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

6 Comments
Sheila Peterson
1/25/2019 09:42:39 am

Thank you so much for the great words of truth and encouragement. As we walk this journey together, let love and truth and hope be our guide. Jesus is all of these things and is all we need to finish the race. God bless you my friend.💖Sheila

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Debbie Galbreath
1/25/2019 10:50:09 am

Words of wisdom and experience! I love to read your writings. As we keep our eyes on Christ, our hope remains rock solid. He's our anchor in the storm!

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Bev Merrill
1/25/2019 06:41:57 pm

Oh how you bless me with the very words of God. Was up late last night with anguish over a loved one and somehow in the very midst of it my soul burst forth in hope and song..."My hope is found in nothing less that Jesus blood and righteousness." "on Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand." Big hugs to you and yours dear sweet sister in Christ. <3

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Cheryl
1/29/2019 08:20:14 pm

My sincere THANK YOU for your words of wisdom and faith. Your words of encouragement have come at a needed moment.

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Gloria Sthay link
1/30/2019 08:12:29 am

Thanks for the reminder to trust in God alone for hope and peace. It so encouraged me.

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Olivia Taylor link
1/30/2019 09:03:48 am

Thank you for sharing--prayers! Ps. 91 has been a favorite of mine for many years & I've been meditating in it a couple of days now. Verse 5 "Thou shalt not be afraid for ..." Is it a description or a command? I'm thinking perhaps it's both (I don't know whether the Hebrew would shed light on it.) There ARE terrors by night, Arrows DO fly by day, Pestilence DOES walk in darkness, Destruction DOES waste at noonday, Thousands and ten thousands DO fall all around us. BUT GOD has us covered with His feathers, guarded and attended by His angels, hears and answers our prayers, is with us in trouble, delivers us and honours us, satisfies us with long life, and shows us His salvation both now and for all eternity. AH, THANK GOD!!!

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    Carol
    Ahola-Smith

    ​Carol is a teacher, encourager, and writer. A mother of five, grandmother of fourteen, she has served as a pastor’s wife and missionary to Japan. After six years of widowhood she is happily married to Greg Smith, missionary to Latin America. Together they write, teach, mentor, and enjoy rich conversation over good coffee.


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